


Chosen's Dilemma

by Selenay



Category: Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey
Genre: Collegium, Drama, Gen, Trainee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-19
Updated: 2010-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-13 19:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenay/pseuds/Selenay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the Choosing is not the hardest part of being a Herald</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chosen's Dilemma

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jehanne1431](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jehanne1431/gifts).



Annette decided quite soon after being Chosen that her Companion, Lisand, had a peculiar sense of humour. She had spent most of her young life living the Palace while her father attended Court and there would have been any number of occasions when Lisand could have come to her in the open. She had even been a regular visitor to the stables, grooming and caring for her little chestnut palfrey, and she had to walk past Companion's Field to get there from her parents' apartment.

It had to have been Lisand's strange sense of humour that sent her searching through the Palace and barging into an embroidery lesson to Choose Annette.

It was still one of Annette's favourite memories. The expressions of the other young girls as the large white Companion shouldered her way into the room, gently nudging aside the sewing mistress and any girls not fast enough to clear a path, had been hilarious and Annette had almost choked from laughter before Lisand finally caught her eye. In fact, she was so busy laughing and trying not to fall off her stool that Lisand had grown impatient and whinnied loudly.

The voice in Annette's head had been dryly acerbic as the Companion said, _:Would you mind looking at me so we can get this over with?:_

That had brought Annette's eyes up in a hurry and her first clear memory afterwards was the incredible blue that had drowned her mind for an endless breath. The rest of the day had been a whirlwind of good-byes, hellos, new uniforms and packing. With the hindsight of a few years, Annette knew why there had been an almost inaudible sigh when she presented herself to the Collegium. Her familiarity with the Palace and the presence of her family so near had made those first months much harder than they seemed to be for other Trainees. Most Trainees arrived with barely more than the clothes on their backs and few ties.

Annette had been forced to return most of the things her family tried to send her because there was simply no space for twelve court gowns in her tiny room. Her family could not understand why she had to live in the Collegium when they were at Court and it had taken Annette months to train them out of inviting her to functions that she could not attend. The families of noble-born Trainees often did not understand that Heralds needed to remain outside politics and as for alliance-marriages, Annette was just happy that her family had three other daughters because she had already seen the difficulties some of her friends had.

Annette's year-mates were a good mixture of noble-borns, city children and a brother and sister who had been Chosen at the same time despite a year's age gap. They came from a farming family and their Gifts appeared to lie in the direction of land-sense, feeling sickness and poison in the earth and air around them. It was a useful talent on a farm and had caused great consternation in the Collegium when their Gifts appeared, with everyone speculating on what it could mean for Valdemar. That was the first time that Annette had started to grasp the idea that Gifts appeared when and where they were needed.

Her own Gifts were strong, but not rare: Mind Speech, Fetching, Farsight and a touch of Healing. Nothing special or worrying, but the Fetching combined with Farsight and strong Mind Speech would make her a useful tool anywhere, she had been assured.

In fact, Annette regretted her decision to spend the Midwinter Festival at her parents' estates in her third year of training. Had she stayed at the Palace, she might have been able to Fetch Herald-Trainee Talia from the icy river that she had been pushed into straight to a place of safety, without risking other Heralds in a rescue.

It was those thoughts that were occupying her mind as she browsed the shelves in the Library when she heard just the faintest sound of a sniffle. She immediately froze, abandoning her plans to research Gift combinations, and listened hard.

There, a quiet sigh and then a tiny sniff.

Annette tracked the sounds, trying to stay silent, to a small alcove almost hidden by shelves. The grey Trainee uniform blended into the shadows perfectly but girl's blonde hair betrayed her. She was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees with her head down to muffle the sound of her sobs.

"Hello," Annette said softly.

The other girl started and looked up. Her face was tear-streaked and her eyes were read. Annette recognised her: she was a year ahead in Annette in her training and would probably get her Whites in a few more months.

"Is everything alright?" Annette asked, feeling foolish but not sure what else to say.

The girl shrugged.

"Maybe I can help?" Annette said.

Tears welled in the girl's eyes and Annette dropped to the floor, gathering her up and letting her cry it out into Annette's shoulder. It took a while and Annette became concerned that the girl might cry herself sick, but eventually the storm subsided a bit and the other trainee pulled away.

"I'm sorry," she said thickly, "I really don't do this normally."

"Do what?"

"Cry on strangers," the girl said. "I'm Raitha."

"And I'm Annette." Annette smiled. "There, we're not strangers now."

A watery smile appeared for a moment Raitha's face, but it dissolved as quickly as it had arrived.

"Are you up to talking about it?" Annette asked.

Raitha shrugged. "It sounds so silly."

"It can't be that silly if you're in here, crying your heart out," Annette said shrewdly.

"Do you know where Eastern Reach is?" Raitha asked.

It sounded familiar, but Annette had to work to force the memory out.

"Near the border with Hardorn?" she ventured. "In the Armor Hills?"

Raitha nodded. "It's my father's lands. My family has held them for three hundred years and now, thanks to me, there will be no one to inherit when my father dies."

"No cousins?" Annette asked.

"I'm his only child, he was an only child," Raitha sighed. "I've looked. You have to go back six generations to trace anyone who might be able to lay claim to the land and nobody wants the trouble of a border estate if they already have good lands closer to the centre of Valdemar."

"Is he pressuring you?" Annette asked.

"When I was first Chosen, he begged me to refuse," Raitha said. "I told him that I had a duty. He writes to me every time messengers come in, begging me to come home and take my place. When he dies, the lands will go to the Crown and who will look after our people?"

"The Queen would never let your people suffer," Annette said encouragingly. "She'll find someone to care for it."

"It isn't the same," Raitha said. "If I wasn't a Herald, I could inherit the land and title and Father knows that I would never let anything happen to our people."

"You know that you can't be a Herald and become involved in the local politics like that," Annette said. "I can only think of one example in our history and Lineas-Baires wasn't a part of Valdemar then."

"I know all that," Raitha said, frustrated. "My father knows it, too, but he won't stop. He's obsessed and he doesn't understand why I can't give up Lancer or go home."

"Have you talked to anyone else about this?" Annette asked.

Raitha shook her head. "It's not that bad. Today's letter surprised me, that's all. He sounds desperate and I'm torn."

"What does Lancer say?" Annette said.

The smile this time was small, but genuine. "That it's my choice, but my father is becoming unreasonable."

"They're much smarter than we are about these things, I think," Annette said.

"I know," Raitha said. "I always feel better when I've talked to him."

"Maybe you should go and spend some time with him, then," Annette said. "I'm sure he'll be able to help you more than I can."

Raitha shook her head quickly. "No, you helped a lot. Lancer can do so much, but he can't hold me. For a moment, I almost imagined that my mother was alive again. You smell just like her."

Annette giggled. "I'll take that as a compliment!"

"It was meant as a compliment," Raitha said. "Thank you."

Raitha scrubbed at her face and grimaced. "I must look a sight. I'll have to stop by the bathing rooms or someone will have a fit if they see me."

When she had gone, Annette sat for a while in the secluded alcove just thinking about Raitha's problems and feeling guiltily glad that her own parents had been so happy and when she had been Chosen. She could not imagine the amount of pressure that Raitha's father was exerting and she suddenly wondered what it must be like when Raitha visited her old home.

It took a strong mental 'kick' from Lisand to pull her out of her thoughts and Annette winced.

 _:Your thoughts are dark tonight,:_ Lisand said.

It took only a moment for Annette to send her thoughts and experiences of the evening to her Companion and for a while there was a thoughtful silence in that bit of her mind where Lisand 'lived'.

 _:It happens sometimes,:_ Lisand said eventually. _:Lancer says that her father is a difficult old man. His holding is so far from Haven that he almost sees himself as independent. We've been at peace with Hardorn for centuries so Heralds ride Circuit there only once or twice a year. I can understand why he would find Raitha's choice so hard to accept. Lancer has been worrying about her for months, he's glad that she talked to someone:_

 _:Should I talk to someone? Maybe the Dean or Herald Teren? I'd feel like I was breaking a confidence, but if it would help Raitha...:_

 _:Rolan knows now,:_ Lisand said. _:We'll keep an eye on her.:_

It was a relief to know that the Companions would be looking after Raitha. After Talia's near-murder, surely nothing could happen to a Trainee in Haven.

***

Annette thought that Raitha might try to forget their encounter in the library, but the next day Raitha approached her at the midday meal and invited her to take tea in her rooms later. They quickly discovered shared interests beyond their similar backgrounds and evenings drinking tea in each other's rooms or riding their Companions became a regular fixture through the week. Raitha rarely mentioned her father, but there were days when she was so tense that Annette worried for her health.

Lissand reassured Annette that the Companions were aware, but it was cold comfort watching the toll that the strain was taking on Raitha.

The weather turned colder and everyone's thoughts turned to Midwinter Festival plans. Annette wrote to her parents asking permission to bring Raitha home with her. Their estate was close to Haven and although Annette knew Raitha usually found somewhere for the festival, she decided that it was better to have too many offers than too few. Her parents wrote back quickly to extend their invitation to Raitha and Annette planned to ask her that night over their evening pot of tea.

Raith did not answer her door when Annette arrived that evening. She waited a minute before knocking again, but the room stayed quiet and there was not evening the sound of someone moving inside.

 _:Lisand,:_ Annette called.

The Companion sounded sleepy when she answered.

 _:Can you bespeak Lancer? Raitha isn't in her room and we were supposed to meet tonight,:_ Annette asked, trying not to panic prematurely.

There was a pause and a wave of fear echoed down her link to Lisand.

 _:Lancer isn't here,:_ Lisand said. _:We can't find him.:_

 _:How can he be gone?:_ Annette asked.

 _:I don't know!:_ Lisand said. _:He's just...absent.:_

 _:Dead?:_ Annette said hesitantly.

There was a thoughtful pause.

 _:No,:_ Lisand said eventually. _:This is different. You should go to the Dean; he'll want to speak to you. Rolan is organizing a search of the Field.:_

Dean Elcarth looked unsurprised to see Annette when she knocked on his door. His expression was worried and he frowned at her.

"Would Raitha have any reason to run away?" he asked, beckoning Annette in.

She shook her head emphatically. "Never. She wanted to be here more than anything."

Elcarth sighed. "That's what I thought. We were aware that her father was unhappy that she had been Chosen, but I had no idea that he would taken it this far."

"You think that her father has taken her?" Annette asked, a cold shiver of fear shaking her.

"I-"

He broke off as wordless anger pulsed down the link to the Companions.

 _:Chosen,:_ Lisand called.

Annette was already running, Elcarth ahead of her, heading unerringly for a darkened corner of Companion's Field where several large, white shapes were gathered. At their centre, another white shape resolved into Lander lying crumpled on the ground. Annette went to her knees beside Elcarth and was relieved to see Lander's chest rise, but even she could see that his breathing was slower than it should be. A pair of Healers arrived moments later carrying oil lamps and they gently shouldered the two Heralds aside. They worked steadily for a few minutes before the older of the two rose and spotted Elcarth.

"Drugged," he said briskly. "I can't be sure, but it may be argonel or something like it. He might not have had time to alert anyone before he went down."

"Raitha would have known," Annette said. "She would have tried to come to him."

Elcarth sighed. "She would have been worried, distracted, and easily taken by surprise. Her Mindspeech was never strong and there are drugs that can render even a strongly Gifted Herald unable to raise the alarm in moments."

"Will Lancer live?" Annette asked.

The Healer grimaced. "I cannot be sure yet."

Annette swallowed hard. She could not imagine losing Lisand.

"Do what you can," Elcarth said. "I must meet with the Circle. We will start a search. They can't have gone far with her: Raitha was at supper so she's been gone for two candle marks at most. Come along, Annette, we may need you tonight."

The Council room was filled with people, mainly Heralds, and Annette was slightly intimidated to see the Queen at the centre of it all. Selenay's expression was solemn and angry. News quickly came in that Guard uniforms had been found hidden in the stables, which made the Seneschal's Herald fire red with anger, and a cart was traced leaving the Palace only minutes before Annette discovered Raitha's disappearance. No trace of the cart could be found after it left the Palace and every report from the city was more hopeless than the last. Word came from the Healers late in the night that Lancer showed promising signs, but he was still unconscious and the Healers anticipated that he would remain so until morning, at least.

It was that dark time before dawn comes, when activity in the Council room had stuttered and faded and everyone's expressions reflected the dying hope. Annette had slipped into a half-doze in one corner, so weary that she could no longer keep her eyes open even though she was determined not to sleep until Raitha was found. Into her dreams, very faintly, came a whisper.

It was her name, whispered so softly that Annette was uncertain at first whether it was part of the dream or not.

The whisper came again and with it a rushing, swirling vision.

 _Darkness, smelling of sour beer and rotten food. Noise above her, of voices and singing._

 _A door opened in a corner, spilling candle-light into the dark hole she floated in. Someone looked in for a moment and grunted. The door closed._

 _The light had been enough: it had glinted on bright blonde hair and a grey uniform._

 _Raitha._

The vision pulled away, through wood and stone, until Annette saw the street that the tavern was on and the sign above its door. She memorised it, imprinting the stained, peeling paintwork in her mind and taking in every detail of the rough drawing of a stag's head that swung from the wall. Then her vision ended and Annette was back in her own body, the beginning of a reaction headache pounding at her temples.

Everyone was looking at her.

Elcarth slipped through the crowd, pulled a chair close and sat down opposite her.

"What did you See?" he asked.

"How did you-" Annette cut herself off. "She's under a tavern, the Stag's Head. I think she's starting to wake up."

She described the street and tavern as clearly as she could and there was a rush of movement as soon as she had finished. The reaction headache was making her entire head hurt and when she turned to Dean Elcarth, everything seemed to waver for a moment.

"You did very well," Elcarth said. "Very well indeed."

Then the world went black and Annette passed out.

***

Annette woke in a bedroom that was not hers. The light that came in through the window was slightly dimmed and she realised after a moment that it was because thin curtains shaded the bright sunlight. Somewhere nearby, Annette could hear someone breathing.

Raitha lay in a bed across the room, her blonde hair spread across the pillow. The faint smudge of a bruise darkened her cheek and her wrist was splinted, but she was alive and breathing.

The door opened and a Healer in green robes peeked in, brightening when he saw that Annette was awake. He withdrew and a moment later reappeared with a tray that he set down carefully before helping Annette to sit up. The tray proved to contain a mug of tea for her head, which was still throbbing gently, and a bowl of beef stew that made Annette's mouth water at the scent.

"Is Raitha going to be all right?" Annette whispered.

The Healer nodded. "Physically, she'll be fine."

"But?"

"Her father is being tried for treason," the Healer said softly. "He was at the tavern where they found her."

"Will he be executed?" Annette asked.

"Probably not," the Healer said. "His mind appears to have been damaged. We see it at times in older men and women, something takes some of their sense away and we cannot heal it. Lord Orthallen is pleading for mercy and has offered to send some of his men to look after Eastern Reach until the Queen can appoint an heir."

"Poor Raitha," Annette said.

"She'll need her friends around her," the Healer said.

Annette smiled. "She'll have them."

***

A few weeks later, Annette was sitting in her small room wrestling with a treatise on land law when there was a knock at her door. It opened and Raitha bounced in, looking happier than Annette had seen her look for months.

"I thought you were seeing your father today," Annette said.

Raitha nodded. "I did. He remembered me today and the Healers said that he had been quite lucid and calm."

"He's not going to get better," Annette cautioned.

"I know," Raitha said, "but it's easier, somehow, when he's the father than I remember from my childhood. We used to be so close. An hour of that father makes the rest of it not as hard."

"I had a great-uncle who went like that," Annette said. "One day he'd swear blind that he didn't know his own children and he'd be cursing so much it would make my great-aunt blush. The next day he was almost normal, except he'd forget half the things that you told him and he'd be completely obsessed with planting carrots even though it was winter."

"The Healers say they see it at times in older people," Raitha said. "They don't let me see him when he's angry about my Choosing: he gets too violent."

"Have they found out who helped him to kidnap you?" Annette asked.

Raitha sat down on the bed and shook her head. "No. The Healers told the courts that he couldn't have organized it all himself, he was too unstable, and Father's old steward said that there was a man who visited the house several times over the last year. Father was always more angry about me after those visits, but the steward was never told who the man was. We'll probably never know."

"I'm sorry," Annette said softly.

Raitha shrugged. "At least he's safe and the Queen won't issue a death sentence while he's unwell. There's a house for people like him with Healers and people who can look after him. It's on a farm just outside the city. He'll be moved there when I get my Whites and go on circuit. There's no sense keeping him in Haven when I'm not here."

Annette grinned. "It should be any day now."

"I know," Raitha said, shivering slightly. "I wonder who I'll get partnered with and where they'll send me?"

"Is there any word on your estate?" Annette asked, diverting the conversation deftly.

Raitha had been speculating non-stop for days about what her first assignment might be when she was given her Whites and Annette was a little sad at how eager her friend was to leave Haven.

"I'm officially without kin," Raitha said. "They can't find anyone, even if they go back six generations. Father was right about that, you know. There really isn't anyone who can inherit now that I'm a Herald."

"What will happen?"

Raitha smiled. "The estate will be held in trust for my children, if I have any that aren't Chosen. For now, one of Lord Orthallen's sons is going to manage everything and if I don't have children, he'll probably be made my heir. Father's steward says that he's a good man and seems to know what to do. I'm not going to start having babies any time soon, though!"

Annette laughed. "We've got far too much to do first!"

For a moment, Raitha sobered.

"Did I tell you how grateful I've been for everything you've done?" Raitha said.

"Only ten times. A day. For the last two months," Annette said. "You're my friend, I wouldn't do anything else."

Raitha smiled. "Promise that we'll stay friends, even when we're out on circuit?"

Annette smiled and held out a hand to clasp Raitha's. "Always."

**Author's Note:**

> My recipient requested something set between Vanyel's time and the end of the Arrows Trilogy. She left the field quite open for interpretation, which was terrifying initially and then rather wonderful. Four weeks didn't give me enough time to create an entirely new part of the Valdemar time-line, but I've always wanted to explore areas that Misty hasn't touched yet. Most of her heroes and heroines are either from families who didn't want them or families where their Choosing solved problems rather than creating them. So I wondered, what happened to Heralds from noble families who were wanted or needed?
> 
> My thanks to my lovely beta, H, for reassurance that this didn't suck and that I've not committed any massive continuity blunders. My thanks also to the writers of The Valdemar Companion, which has been at my side for weeks so that I can fact-check and research obscure Heralds for use as new Companions.


End file.
